【ATLAS OF THE HEART】reading notes
Hi~ This is Liana 😆 , SOOOOO happy to share with you all what I catch from this book.
My aim to read this book is getting more knowledges about emotions, to understand myself better ,and learning how to better put myself in other people's shoes.
1 INTRODUCTION
Brilliant Paragraph from this book
Part 1
What surprised me the most when I was growing up was how little other people seemed to understand or even think about the connection between feelings, thinking, and behavior.
Over the course of five years, we collected these surveys from more than seven thousand people. The average number of emotions named across the surveys was three. The emotions were happy, sad, and angry.
Part 2
I understood that people would do almost anything to not feel pain, including causing pain and abusing power, and I understood that there were very few people who could handle being held accountable for causing hurt without rationalizing, blaming, or shutting down.
Everyone seemed disembodied from their own inner world and disconnected from other people. Too many lonely and secret lives.
PART 3
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
we have compelling research that shows that language does more than just communicate emotion, it can actually shape what we’re feeling.
In my experience working with clients, the ability to name this emotion or experience is essential to being able to process it in a productive and healing manner.
in order to recognize, name, and make sense of our feelings and experiences, we have to:
- Understand how they show up in our bodies and why (biology)
- Get curious about how our families and communities shape our beliefs about the connection between our feelings, thoughts, and behavior (biography)
- Examine our go-to (behaviors), andRecognize the context of what we’re feeling or thinking. What brought this on? (backstory)
Commets & Reflections
Point 1 We actually Know very little
When I read the first part from INTRODUCTION, I tried to name all the emotions came out of my mind in the first time ,and I realized it is the【喜怒哀乐】in Chinese traditional phrase.
And I do realize that I will get mad at some people in the company not because of angry but the afraid of getting things done in a wrong way, which is caused by the bad Perfectionism.
How little we know about 87 emotions in human performs .
Point 2 Escaping can not solve problems
From the second part of INTRODUCTION,I got that Escape from hurt feelings is in common ，but it can not solve the problem . Sometimes people will escape from the truly hurts to something that could help to forget the pain，like movies、games、sleeping、eating、hang out with friends without talking about the pain.It's OK to have a rest or a preparation for the next hard fight.,but finally we need to face with it.
Life events are like tests, if you didn't past it, you can never get a new one.
Point 3 Know what to know how
The last part of INTRODUCTION, tell me to get the map for the adventure to inner world.and show us how to use the map in tree steps, which is very practical.we need to have the knowledge about it, realize it during lifetime, and find a way to the destination.
CHAPTER1-Places we go when things are uncertain or too much
【Brilliant Paragraph from this book】
What are these emotions?
1）Stressed is being in the weeds. Overwhelmed is being blown.
2）Our anxiety often leads to one of two coping mechanisms: worry or avoidance.
3）excitement is described as an energized state of enthusiasm leading up to or during an enjoyable activity
Why they are here for us?
1）On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m feeling my emotions at about 10, I’m paying attention to them at about 5, and I understand them at about 2.
2）some of these experiences work together felt like a life jacket for me—something that would keep me afloat if I had to jump off that boat before it headed into the shit tunnel.
3）There is no courage without vulnerability. Courage requires the willingness to lean into uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.
How the Chapter Changed Me
1)Bible says"watch out your heart ,that's where life starts."when I feel these emotions in daily life，I will try my best to think about the reason why I were doing the things whIch make me feel in that way .Do myself really want to work on these things, no matter what happens in the end.If the answer is no ,then why not stop it at once.
If the answer is yes, for most situations, just to enjoy the immersive experience of life, and talk to myself that I'm excited now rather than anxious.
2) Practice to be brave enough to show my imperfection in both social media and off-line gatherings with people.Because vulnerability is part of my truly self.I want to engage with people who can accept truly myself.and I want to get close o people who can show the truly themselves to me.
CHAPTER2-places we go when we compare
【Brilliant Paragraph from this book】
1)Comparison is ”Fit in and stand out!“
2) Envy occurs when we want something that another person has.Jealousy is when we fear losing a relationship or a valued part of a relationship that we already have.
3)Resentment is an emotion that we often experience when we fail to set boundaries or ask for what we need, or when expectations let us down because they were based on things we can’t control, like what other people think, what they feel, or how they’re going to react.
How the Chapter Changed Me
1)The emotions in this chapter are sticky in a rat race society. We learn them to make sure every choice we made is due to our value, which makes ME to be ME.,rather than to change the human nature.
2)Other people's life can be one of possibilities, but possibility for you is more than that。you are what you are compared with ,so better to choose something/someone greater rather than closer。
3)Cheer up for others ,and focus on our own lane.We have different script as different role plays in the world.When people share their joy with us ,don't forget to ask them questions about details ,make sure they are seen by you.And always show your grateful attitudes to the people who have seen you.
to be continued....... 😃