#chapter 9-Places We Go When We Search for Connection
Belonging, Fitting in, Connection, Disconnection, Insecurity, Invisibility, Loneliness
Oh, dear. I haven't written my notes for 10 days. Today, I read chapter 9.
☀️In three sentences:
- We have to belong to ourselves as much as we need to belong to others.
- Belonging and fitting in are totally two different things.
- Connection is critically important.
☀️How the chapter changed me?
It made me realize why I am unhappy sometimes when I feel disconnected with others.
It helped me better understand that I need to belong to myself first.
It also made me think more why my partner and I always argue.
☀️ My Top 3 Quotes:
1.Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued.
2.Self-security is 'the open and nonjudgmental acceptance of one's own weakness.'
- 'Be here. Be you. Belong.'
☀️ Summary + notes
We arrived in Chengdu on November 27th in 2021. I still remember I felt quite upset and anxious after we drove my husband to work for the first day. His father took me to a historical museum and we had a tour there for several hours. It seemed that everything was fine. We went home and I was calling around to ask for wifi installation. I asked my husband for help and he said we could do that on the weekend. I suddenly felt very bad and sad. Why? He might not understand. I could have a break and there was someone cooking for me. I guess it was because I came to Chengdu with no job and I left the place I was familiar with. So, when my husband was not home, I felt alone. I felt disconnected. Even though, I had a lot of time to read, to do anything I wanted to do, I felt disconnected.
Then, I texted a friend in Chengdu, Jack, who I met in Toastmasters and who I know is excellent. He sent me a message: You are new here. Why not go out to connect with more people? Go to Toastmasters meeting and join the Improv activity. Then, I started going out. Very soon, I got to know more people who like public speaking and I felt belonged when I was in the Improv activity. Gradually, I figured out what I liked and what I could do even though I didn't get a new job. I was happy again.
So, I guess this story told me that connection is important.
Another thing I want to mention is about my relationship. I have been learning non-violent communication. However, these day, there has been a lot of argument between my husband and I. For a time, I would say 'Fine. We'll divorce. I don't need you any more.' I know how hurtful it might sound, but I just said it. After a while, he told me 'I feel very sad when you say those words. You are disconnecting with me.' Now, I understand it more deeply after I read this chapter. Those violent language could cause disconnection. Disconnection is really hurtful in relationships.