### The chapter of introduction

---How the chapter changed me

  1. It made me learn specifi words to explain my emotions : I found that I also don't have enough correct words to describe my specific-common emotions apart from happiness and angriness. This is the main reason why I can easily caught in a bad condition in intimate relationship. I have to learn more specifi words to describe my specific emotions, which can lead me to a more healthy relationship.
  2. It made me think of love-myself and leave-others : I always care about others feeling over mine, though it feels so bad, I can't help myself,But I have to. I shouldn't let others take advantage of me and never shouldn't feel over- sorry for others.
  3. The quoted poems on the top made me read poems again : RUMI was one of my favorite poests years ago, and I don't know since when I lost my interest. But i can still feel the melodic sweetness in poems, I am yearning for poetry. Mayeb i couldn't be a poest, but i can be a chaser of poetry.

New words

  1. cuss： I cuss myself ；A stram of cuss； cuss out- His parents cussed him out for failing the exam
  2. memorabilia=souvenir
  3. redeem= save from sins/ pay off
  4. tease= mock or make fun of playfully : they were teasing her when I'd arrived at there
  5. brunt= main force of a blow
  6. punitive= infliciting punishment
  7. snarky = mean/ 恶劣的刻薄的: u don't have to saying somthing snarky
  8. elicit= call forth : the police elicited a confession from him. he had licited the truth
  9. backstroke 仰泳； free stroke 自由泳； breaststroke 蛙泳
  10. wane = grow smaller / decrease ： his business empire began to wane。
  11. numb = make insensitive : the sudden bankrupt numbed all of the clients.
  12. krypnote 氪石
  13. vigilance = attentiveness 警觉 : guards shouldn't relax their vigilance especially at night .

My direct quotes

  1. Heart is sea, language is shore. whatever sea includes, will hit the shore. ---RUMI
    2.Maybe I couldn't actually predict the future, but I did have top-level observation powers. I understood that prople would do almost anything to not feel pain, including causing pain and abusing power, and I understood that they were very few people who could handle being held accountable for causing hurt without rationalizing, blazing, or shutting down.
  2. Everyone, including me, seemed so desperate to feel more connected to their own lives and to one another, but no one was looking in the right places. No one was thinking about how it all works together. Everyone seemed disembodied from their own inner world and disconnected from other people. Too many lonely and secret lives.
  3. How to choose loving ourselves over making other people comfortable. It was the hardest work I’ve ever done and continue to do.
  4. I’ve also learned that sometimes, even when the pain takes your breath away, you have to let the people you love experience the consequences of their own behavior. That one really hurts.
  5. Likewise, having the correct words to describe specific emotions makes us better able to identify those emotions in others, as well as to recognize and manage the emotional experiences when we feel them ourselves.

    Agree with your the point 2 about the section 'How the chapter changed me'
    We care abo others' feelings too much so that ignore our feelings in heart 😄

    • Dave replied to this.

      xuemei
      Same here, it is too hard to focus on myself most of times, but i'm gonna try my best this year.

          ** Places we go when things are uncertain or too much**

          Stressed and Overwelmed

          • my thought
            I decide to do nothing when i process overwehlem in future. The restaurant case taught me that we only need some time to get-released from the capture of overwhelm , though I know it is not a not way to handle the specific thing which let us overwehlmed. At least, by do-nothing for a while we could relax our mind to cope with it later. As a student majored in Pharmacy, I have too much medical classes, when it turns to exam month i have to be absorbed in my textbooks,chemical structures etc. In my first years of college, i was stressed by tons of exams. At that time i can feel those stressors are depleting my power which is too horrible for a med-student 🤣 (beacuse i have exams acquire full energy). Those days i found a way to coping with them: go out of the library and do-nothing or just do entarining things like take a bike walk, this is really helpfull to get back .

          • notes
            1.stress occurs when we evaluate the situational demand is over than our capability of coping with.
            2.our emotional reaction is mostly related to our cognitive assessment of whether we can cope with the situation raher then our body's react.
            3.overwelmed means our life is unwrapping quicker than our nervous system and psyche are managing it.
            4.the best cure for overwhelmed is do-nothing,no-agenda,leave-it-alone.

          • expressions
            1.a body of research- a growing body of research
            2.mental depeltion - narrative of emotional and mental depletion- روھىي خوراش
            3.take a toll

          • new words
            1.cortisol-皮质醇-
            2.detrimental- harmful : poor sleeping hours are detrimental to liver and other main organs.
            3.narrative-give a dtailed account of :
            4.deplete-depleted-depletion : the depletion of oil caused rising-prices in the region.

          Anxiety

          • my thought
            1.I am an anxious person, I feel anxiety whatever the condition is, even I was at Disneyland this Chines New Year with my GF, i was anxious about some nonsenses. I rarely calm down myself, it is more like " It is the way I am " anxiety. After reading the chapter i found that it is called " generalized anxiety disorder" , and individuals couldn't get through it without professional help. I decide to seek for a psychotherapy this month，which will be the first-ever psychotherapy in my family‘s history. why I am putting down it and highlighting it is that my family is a be-tough-do-more-hide-emotions family, we were only allowed to share our happiness , so none of us ever grumbled loudly, not to mention this kind of therapy.
            2.Avoidance is one of my main reactions to anxiety. Dr.Harriet Lernerwrites, " It is not fear that stops you from doing the brave and true thing in ur daily life. Rather the problem is avoidance." Recently i am too anxious about my colledge life that I haven't done enough thing,additionally i can't dig out that why haven't I do enough . by Dr.Lerner's description, the reason is that I was avoiding, I was really want to keep myself in my comfot zone, I've never thought seriously about evoke myself from fear or other difficult emotions. Fortunately, last year I found i am avoding all of the stuff which put me deep into anxiety, and then i consiously avoid myself from avoidance. I used to avoid standing on stage and giving a pre, just because I am anxious about my not-good-enough mandarin pronunciation. I started to say no to my avoidance of stay-on-stage, so far i gave more than 10 times of pre\speech, can't say my mandarin is perfect but at least i have improve some and i am brave enough to stay on a stage.

          • expressions and phrase
            1.frightening scene
            2.start out
            3.close-up 特写
            4.a speck of light

          • new words
            1.escalating
            2.millipede 千足虫
            3.frenetic -frenetic activity
            4.understatement 轻描淡写
            5.grisly 可怕的；严重的
            6.reaper 收割者/ 死神（grim reaper）
            7.trait - a distinguishing feature of ur personal nature
            8.predispose 倾向于做；使易于患

          😃 updated on Feb，27 😃

          Vulnerability

          • my thought
            1.some examples of vulnerability from my life： presentation without prepare\ talk about my feelings\ apologize for my misunderstandings
            2.I learned that being vulnerable isn't being weak, It is being brave.

          • new words
            1.miscarriage
            2.prerequisite

          Wow, I am surprised by how much you love poetry. Recently I picked up English poetry too. Idyllic ones are really refreshing my thoughts after a long time concentrated study.

          • Dave replied to this.

            Dave RUMI

            my fav too.
            one of my fav quote from RUMI:
            “You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean, in a drop.”

            What's yours?

            • Dave replied to this.

                Suning
                Mine is "You are the sun of the world, but why are you so dark in heart "
                btw do u have any booklet of his pems by chance

                  Anna
                  hhhh, I used to write some like years ago.
                  Now i am enjoying the lyrics of Bob Dylan.

                    ** Places we go when we compare**

                    Comparison

                    • my thought
                      1.Running is the teifecta for me.
                    a month later
                    Yang changed the title to [Atlas of the heart] Dave的读书笔记.
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